THEY ASKED: I wonder if addiction to sex and sexual activities before marriage is really a big deal! For a lady in a godly relationship with a brother who was once an addict to sex and sexual activities but has now received the life of Christ, how can the lady help his emotion while not hurting him? Especially if he wants to be open to the lady because he loves her, and the openness he wants is as much as sharing nakedness. OUR RESPONSE: It is commendable that the brother is open and is willing to share his past with the Lady. I think the starting point is to be sure that the brother has repented and is willing to surrender all to God. The Lady too must be willing to forget and accept whatever may come because of his past. After all, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23) and “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17). However, there is need for the Lady to be convinced that God is leading her into a marriage relationship with the brother. If God is in it, He will provide the grace to enjoy a happy marriage. Addiction to sex and sexual activities is a serious matter that should be properly discussed and resolved before marriage. It could be dangerous to assume the addict has been cured when the root cause has not been dealt with. Therefore, before proceeding, it is better for the Lady to have a heart-to-heart conversation with the brother about his addiction to sex with the view to share as much information as he is willing to provide. This step is important for the Lady to know how to pray, for her not to be disappointed with ‘surprises’ in the future and for both to deal with the fallout in the process of healing. When you said, ‘How can the lady help his emotion while not hurting him?’, I sense that the Lady is willing to go to any length not to hurt or lose her romantic relationship with the brother. If the kind of openness he wants from the lady is to see her nakedness or commit fornication before marriage, it seems to me that the brother requires further prayers, deliverance and therapy to properly cure his addiction to sex and sexual activities. Remember, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Heb. 13:4). If the brother has not done so, it is important for him to seek counsel from a godly counselor or a qualified sex-addiction therapist before the relationship progresses from courtship to marriage. The Lady may accompany him to see the counselor if he is open to that. If he is not willing to progress the courtship because he has not ‘shared nakedness’, then the Lady needs to be careful because his feelings for her may be ‘lust’ rather than ‘love’. A marriage relationship needs a strong and firm foundation; a sure conviction upon which to build. Please, pray again, God will speak to you the way he speaks to you on other issues. Be sure to weigh all your options before you decide. Please call us on +234 811 377 7009 to discuss or to book an appointment to see a relationship counselor. WHAT IS YOUR OWN TAKE? Let's have your comments/opinion in the box below.